just come out here and I will go home with you...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
