did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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