Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
