i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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