i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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