New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
