At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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