dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
