I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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