Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
