Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't think brook has ever known best
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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