also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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