If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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