im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
