help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
