no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
