dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
