Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
