I just pynch a tree in the face
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
