I hope mine doesn't look like that
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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