I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
