I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
