You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
