I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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