I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
