I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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