They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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