I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
