don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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