I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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