and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
