You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Text me some of your sweat
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
