I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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