Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
