I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
