i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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