Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
