He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
