he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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