I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
