Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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