I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
