If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
