I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
