We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
