I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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