You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
