Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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