Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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