sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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