i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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