So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why are your pants in the freezer?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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