here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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