Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
