I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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