I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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